The menace of sycophancy

Greetings, my President. My Bible says I must pray for you and wish you well. In this country, people go to church and mosques but don’t practice what they are taught. No wonder our leaders are always ill. How can they be well when people who are supposed to appreciate and bless them devote daily hours to cursing them? They don’t know that only God gives power and leaders are representatives of God on earth. They think power comes just by rigging elections. 

Wherever you are, my president, It shall be well with you. Haters call you a globetrotter. I call you an investment hunter. It shall be well with you in France, South Africa, and London. Whenever you board our new jet, you shall find peace in the skies. It’s because you love us that you are travelling up and down. If you didn’t love us, you could have stayed in France like Paul Biya of Cameroon. But see how you are suffering. Nigerians don’t appreciate their leaders 

The naira is at 1750 to a dollar. Your economic blueprint had said you would beef up the naira from N600 to N300. Man proposes, and God disposes. But I still think you deserve accolades. I think 1750 is an outstanding achievement. As Okupe said, without you coming when you came and instituting divine reforms, the naira could have been 15,000 to a dollar by now. Okupe discovered this fact. The National Bureau of Statistics should be nudged to invent stats to support this noble idea. But as your other media aides hinted, the merciless naira devaluation was a strategy to boost exports. Anybody who doesn’t buy that should take the other explanation, which is that it’s better to allow the naira’s value to float and be determined by market forces. Asiwaju, we will counter them robustly no matter how they choose to look at it. You have done very well. 

Most poor people in this country think governance is easy. But it’s not you that made them poor in the first place. Their poverty looks factory-fitted. They think you are living a lavish life in foreign cities. They are mistaken. Onanuga has told them that the cost of living in Nigeria is the cheapest in Africa. But they no longer listen to Onanuga because he often talks unnecessary nonsense. However, these people and their mischievous sponsors will come to their senses someday. Their forefathers made the same mistakes. Didn’t they say that rogues ran the first and second republics, yet they now dream of those days? 

If it were not for your reforms, Your Excellency, this country would have imploded. Your reforms have kept a bag of rice at an affordable N110,000. It’s obvious rice would have disappeared from the market. A bag of rice would have gone up to N1,000,000. The problem with our people, especially people like Davido, is that they have never been locked up. They are enjoying freedom courtesy of your magnanimity, and they are blabbing. That’s a boy whose father runs a two-billion-dollar power plant which you can decommission just like that. But you heard him sabotaging your effort to find foreign investors. Be consoled by the support of people like that lady at the TVC who took the spoilt brat to the cleaners.  Even if a yam tuber were 10,000, why would they scream ‘Ebin pawa’ to scare away foreign investors?

The hunger thing is contrived. Shameless sensationalism. They are very unpatriotic and disgruntled people. If people can’t buy rice, can’t they eat potatoes, cocoyam, or guguru? Can’t they eat agbado and cassava, for God’s sake? Must everybody eat fish-filled okro soup and wash it down with 40-year-old whiskey like the man in FCT? Where does that happen? Are all fingers equal? Don’t they know he is an honourable who he is?  Some of them have even started badmouthing God. Imagine asking God what they have done to Him to deserve the kind of our leaders. Is that not blasphemy right there? These people don’t know God. I suspect that  God has cursed them, and they are now sitting here like Jonah and causing spiritual turbulence for this country. 

 Asiwaju, I  thank God for your sagacity and astuteness. You built the city of Lagos from a jungle. It would help if you focused on collecting taxes. It worked in Lagos. Don’t listen to them. Data show that the unemployment rate has crashed, and things are improving. E jor sir, don’t mind all these people who are complaining about the light and price of beans. You must maintain zero tolerance for subsidies. Why can’t they clap for you to celebrate the Port Harcourt refinery that is now producing like it’s brand new? They are saying 1.5 billion dollars was wasted on a small ancient refinery. They want you to say it wasn’t you who awarded the contract. God, what did we do to be in the same country with these people? Why can’t they ever open their mouths and praise their president?

Nuhu Ribadu has told them. Your name is Tinubu. The Asiwaju of the universe. You conquered Obasanjo and his 3rd marine political commando in 2003. You have conquered bandits. You have conquered Boko haram. You have conquered the prime minister of Biafra. Go on song, Baba mi. Why are these political heathens still raging? 

Haters say your tribalism is on steroids. Where is the tribalism? They don’t know it’s merit. Muslim Muslim ticket was merit. Even Daniel Bwala now knows that. The Yoruba domination of the top economic and security positions is merited. The Yoruba are exceptional people, and it is their turn.  Do you have to spell that out to them? There is nothing you are doing that Buhari didn’t try. Therefore, any negative parapo propaganda fashioned against you and your respectable family from the north, east or south south, shall not prosper, Insha Allah. 

Baba, naysayers are issuing empty 2027  threats. Thank God Yahaya Bello will soon be free to deliver Kogi again. Baba, you are a master strategist. If it’s Obi and Atiku, no shaking. You have never failed. You will not fail. Whether they like it or it’s four more years. They can gather to try themselves in 2027. They shall be scattered. They don’t know you. E fokan bale. And unlike confused Buhari, from whom you inherited a mess, you will pick your successor when you are done. All these cunning men singing On Your Mandate like Warri parrots, nothing for them. You will look for a proper Ododo.