The psychiatrist at the Ladoke Akintola University of
Technology (LAUTECH), Ogbomoso, who spoke to ThePoint said many men are left to
shoulder family responsibilities alone.
Dr. Adeoye Oyewole, a psychologist and psychiatrist,
has expressed concern over the mental health challenges faced by married men in
Nigeria, attributing these issues in part to insufficient support from their
spouses.
The psychiatrist at the Ladoke Akintola University of
Technology (LAUTECH), Ogbomoso, who spoke to ThePoint said many men are left to
shoulder family responsibilities alone.
“Many married men are depressed and passively
committing su!cide because their wives don’t show sufficient support in fending
for the family,” the mental health advocate said.
He explained that the burdens placed on men by
societal and family expectations have led to silent suffering, with many men
unable to express their struggles.
“Feminism has created an imbalance where men have been
pushed to the background. We all know that men are not as expressive as women,
and this has added to placing huge burdens on men, taking a toll on
society," he said.
“True feminism makes you happily married and not to
attack the man. Some women pushed the narrative of feminism to toxicity, which
has now crushed the boy child.
"The lack of intervention of fathers in their
sons’ lives is breeding boys who are irresponsible, hooked on drugs, and unable
to give leadership. This toxic feminism, whereby women poison the minds of
their children against their fathers, is very alarming. The way forward is
partnership and synergy rather than combativeness
"When you see a woman who is combative, take a
history of how she was raised by her father and mother. I was teasing my son
and telling him to show me his girlfriend. He has been hiding her away from me,
and I want to meet her to understand the relationship between her mother and
her father.
“The way her mother relates to her father will reflect
in how she relates to my son, no matter how religious she is. It is
psychodynamics. Some of us may be lucky to allow religion to identify centres
in our lives that are toxic, help us recognise them, and then make amends.
Nobody is entirely free of these influences.”
Dr. Oyewole also highlighted the financial pressures
on men, saying that “it is a wrong narrative to say that men’s money belongs to
all of us while women’s money belongs to only women.
“If I am earning the same salary as my wife and I am
expected to cater for everything while she keeps hers, why is she keeping it?
Most men don’t even know how much their wives are earning.
“Because of the stupidity of our patriarchal mindset,
we want to come out as omnipotent, parading the sense of ‘I am capable of
running the show.’
"This is making a lot of men under pressure. They
think of how to service the car, pay the electricity bill, and cater for the
family while the woman keeps making demands.
"Men are under pressure, and even when they are
down, their wives’ and children’s well-being still occupy their minds.
Statistics show that a lot of men experience depression but hide it.
“They mask their depression and use alcohol to
suppress it. Even when doctors say alcohol is killing them, they keep taking it
because they think it helps them cope. The rate at which men are developing
hypertension from life challenges is alarming.
"Many suffer from heart and liver problems and
dismiss it with the excuse, ‘something must kill a man.’
"Of late, women put the pressure of relocating
abroad on men. A lot of men are lonely in Nigeria while their wives and
children are abroad.
"Men are under a lot of pressure, and it is
reflective of the mental indices we are seeing. The rate of suicide is
increasing among men, and what is now prevalent is passive suicide, where men
neglect their health, don’t rest, don’t take their drugs, and don’t follow
medical advice.“Give up your ego doesn’t mean commit suicide. People need to
take their mental health seriously.
"Men, especially in mid-life, should go for
therapy. Men need to have time for themselves. Wives should assist in giving
their husbands therapy and ensure they don’t become too stressed,” he
concluded.
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